The Show Goes On

I've been doing a lot of reflecting these past few days... I honestly thought that I would have to spend time in solitude in order to figure out who I am.. but everyday as I surround myself by different people I peel back another layer to my own complex. I have truly matured over these past few years. I never really realized how immature and naive I was. There are many things that I blamed on other people or even my circumstances that I now realize are ironically my own responsibility or fault.

I've been searching for "friends" for so long that I myself overlooked the fact that I wasn't even ready to be the friend that I was searching for. Friendship is about give and take. I would either give so much to people who didn't deserve it. Or I would just expect and demand things without reciprocating. The same applies to relationships.

I have always believed that I am destined for great things, however I would counteract my thoughts by putting myself down in order to "ground myself" I truly do want to exceed in life but I realize I need to find a better technique in allowing myself to grow but at the same time keeping myself leveled.

... its funny that i wrote the sections above two months ago and they are still true today more so when they were written

I look back at all the bridges i've burned in the past... all of the things that I spent days, weeks, months, even years stressing over that no long have any bearing on my life. Or that in reality did happen "for a reason." I can just remember talking to my sister about not appreciating or even understanding my beauty or blessings... and I look in the mirror now and say how was I blinding myself?

I am at a point in my life now that very few things surprise me.. I just think... "and this too shall pass." I think I am at a point where I have accepted and moved on from my past... however how my past has molded me today is what I am not content about.. There are times when I break out into tears or the shakes because something is wrong... I don't understand it or like it but sometimes i'll analyze a situation and realize the only reason why I am unhappy...the only reason of my position in life...where I am in any aspect ...is because I put myself there...

So my next goal is to find the help to correct my mistakes in my past... or should I say mold myself from the lessons.. I truly am considering going to a therapist ... I need to speak with someone about all of the thoughts in my head. I am a bright girl I just need to learn how and where to channel all of my emotions & thoughts...

...THE SHOW GOES ON